The woman, pearls strung around her graceful neck, spoke with certainty in her exotic South African accent.

“Boys need to get out their aggression.  When mine got to a certain age, I bought each a pair of boxing gloves.  When they would start fighting, I’d make them put on the gloves and go at it until they were done.”  I sat, wide-eyed, starring at my then small boys.  Would I really get to that place?  I couldn’t imagine it then.

But I can imagine it now.  

Fast forward 10 years.  My kids have grown.  Gone are the years of toy refereeing. Now we wrestle with something much worse: sibling needling.

I remember it well as a middle child.  I would get so outsmarted by my sister that I’d have to resort to physical Hulk maneuvers to get out my frustration.  She was all brains. I was all braun.

My own children are repeating the pattern.  An older one needles, a younger, helpless in the battle of wits, erupts with force.  It is an age old problem.

Gather individuals in the same house day after day, and there will be conflict.

The question becomes, what will we do about it?

I tell my kids over and over that their relationships with each other will last far beyond any other.  Siblings are the only ones who see you through your entire life span – from the ground up.  Invest in those relationships now, and they will bring you joy and life for years to come.

The articles and video I list below delve into why siblings may be struggling with one another.  I’m going to focus instead on 5 creative techniques addressing sibling conflict:

1.  The Hug o War:

Reminiscent of Shell Silverstein’s poem, have the two fighters hug for a minute.  Most of the time they are laughing by the end.  I’ve also heard of parents who make the two offenders wear an oversized T-shirt together until they stop fighting.

2. The Repentance Bench:

Pick a bench in the house.  When sibs start the ruckus, sit them down on the bench together.  No one gets up until they’ve worked out their issue and apologized.

3. Work Together:

Too much fighting?  Then maybe there isn’t enough to do!  Put them to work on a chore together.

4. Do Something Kind for the Other.

Help them to be for one another, not against.  Have each person in the conflict do something kind, helpful, or generous for the one with whom he is fighting.

5. Run.

This is a personal favorite for my husband.  Fighting or bickering?  Go run together around the house ___ times.  They are usually laughing and racing by the end.

And if all else fails, head down to the local sports store and buy a couple of sets of boxing gloves.

Recommended Articles for Further Reading:

5 Ways to Turn Sibling Rivalry into Sibling Revelry

Siblings at War in Your Home (Declare a Cease Fire)

Stop Sibling Conflict

When Siblings Engage in Combat