It’s All About the Hair: A Teen Birthday Party
Teens + birthdays can be difficult. They are too old for the usual party fare, yet they still want to do something to celebrate. As I wracked my brain to think of something for my daughter’s 14th this year, I asked myself, “what do they love to do when they get together?” HAIR! I called a few beauty salons until I found the right stylists at the right price, and the party was a done deal.
Here is what we did:
1. Hire 2 stylists to come to the party to do hair, and teach girls how to do the various styles {or ask a couple of friends who are really good at hair to come}. They bring supplies.
2. Have them bring pictures of various hair styles, and the girls choose which one they’d like.
3. Set up a couple of bar stools and a table with outlets near by.
5. The other girls snack on fun food and chat while two at a time get their hair done.
6. Go outside and take some fun pictures! I took group shots, and then one of each girl with the birthday princess.
The only issue I had was getting hairspray off the floor afterwards. Otherwise, the party was a teen girl hit…and, best of all, EASY!
How to Run a Girls Group: The Nuts & Bolts
I’ve had so many of you ask me how we run our little band, I thought I’d do a post on it and hopefully answer all of your questions at once! If I’ve missed anything, please let me know in the comments. This is the “nuts and bolts” of how I run our group. If you’d like to know more of the WHY I do a group for these tweens/teens, read my post here.
WHO IS IN THE GROUP & HOW MANY?
Pray with your daughter about who should be in the group. There is not a “right answer” to this. We began with 10 girls when we first started, and are now at 15. If you go beyond 10, I would recommend asking someone else to join you so you can break into smaller groups for discussion.
We decided that we wanted to invite girls who we knew were being raised in Christian homes, but we also wanted to invite girls who had no religious background whatsoever. When I invited the girls who were un-churched, I explained to the parent(s) that I wanted their daughter to be a part of the group, and I explained we would be using the Bible as our main resource. I asked them if they were OK with that. Every one of them said “yes.”
WHAT AGE IS BEST TO BEGIN?
I really think that any age is better than not doing it at all. That said, it is hard for me to imagine several of my girls starting the group now that they are in 8th grade, as the definition of “cool” has significantly changed. Since we have such a bond of trust and tradition, they gladly come, but that has taken 3 years to build. Statistically, the most important years for “value development” are between the ages of 8-12 (a great book to read on this is Keeping the Little in Your Girl by Dannah Gresh). Because of this, I recommend starting somewhere between 4th-6th grade. As a side note, Dannah Gresh has a fantastic website that encourages healthy relationships and purity.
Keep in mind the goal: yes, to help them live abundant and meaningful lives NOW, but also to build up their moral compass and expose them to God’s word and Spirit, so when they get to those tough teen years where they are making true life-altering decisions, they are standing on a firm foundation.
WHAT TIME OF YEAR DO WE MEET?
I have found that November-April works very well, especially as the girls get older and sports/activities become more of an issue. It also allows people to get into the “fall swing” before we delve. This schedule keeps the girls excited about meeting. They are begging me to start by the time we hit November (seriously). I love the anticipation of it. Around Spring Break, or a few weeks after, is when we stop. Though they aren’t ready to be done for the year necessarily, spring activities often split the group, and attendance can vary (I strongly advise against going into May – it just doesn’t work). Personally I have found this to be best – I like ending strong, not petering out.
WHAT TIME OF DAY DO WE MEET?
When I first began, the girls from the elementary school would ride the bus to our home together after school. It just worked. It saved the moms a trip, and the girls thought it was the best things ever. We have kept with this model. Though they don’t ride the school bus together anymore, we have found that meeting right after school is best. Many carpool to our home, and some still ride the bus. Our time frame has varied between 2-2 1/2 hours. I recommend keeping it under 2 1/2.
HOW OFTEN DO WE MEET?
3-4 times a month:
I schedule the calendar for the entire “girls group year” before we start. I meet with them 3-4 times a month, with 3 being the very minimum (like December). We also often also schedule in “fun days” like skiing, ice-skating, etc.
In December we pick a service opportunity and that becomes the main event of our Christmas party. We’ve made “no sew” blankets for orphanages, have performed at an elderly home (and sang carols with them), and have served dinner at a women’s homeless shelter. It is so rewarding to see the girls step up in service. This year when we served dinner at the homeless center, the girls did everything. They served the women, sat with them at tables and initiated conversations, cleaned up, and ran Bingo. My heart was bursting I was so proud!
HOW DO I STRUCTURE OUR TIME TOGETHER?
This has changed over the years. When I started with the girls in 5th grade, it looked something like this:
15 min: Ice Breaker (The ice breaker would also determine who they sat by that day somehow – so they got out of their friendship comfort zones).
15 min: Opening Prayer & Check “Soul” Work (it’s what I call their homework for the week, and I have them check each other’s)
40 min.: Lesson of the week
5-10 min.: Prayer (they pray for one another’s prayer requests – I ask for a volunteer to pray for that person after she shares. At the end we all pray and that person prays for that need.)
40 min.: Snack & Craft of the week (at this age, I ALWAYS did a craft. They loved it and it provided something for the to “do” while they built relationships with one another. This also helps avoid girls breaking off into groups).
Now that they are 8th graders, it looks similar, but I’ve adjusted it according to their older age and changing needs:
15 min. Quick Snack. Ice Breaker/Discussion Question of the Day (again, I play a game to see who they sit by according to one of these things)
15 min. Intro. to the topic (usually involves an activity, a video, or visual demonstration)
45 min.-1 hour: Teaching/Discussion of the topic (includes small group discussion – we break in to 2 groups). This is the time for the girls to share their perspective/feelings on the topic at hand.
30 min.: Wrap up, Prayer, & Finish Snack (socialize)
WHAT CURRICULUM DO I USE?
5th GRADE:
When the girls were in 5th grade, I used the book series: “A Life of Faith.” It is like “The American Girl” series in that the setting is set in history, but the main characters base their decisions on their faith. I’m not sure how available these books are now, but I do know that many public libraries carry them (it just depends if you can get enough of them). They also come in audio books. I can send the lessons I did with the books if anyone is interested. Faithgirlz also has some good resources that would work for this age.
6TH GRADE:
We used Vicky Courtney’s Tween magazine as the jumping off point for discussion. I would have the girls do certain pages for their “soul work,” then I’d use those as the basis for my discussion with them.
7th GRADE:
I did “Becoming a Person of Character.” This curriculum I created and hope to publish in an ebook SOON. We also used another one of Vicki Courtney’s Between magazines for them to do during the week as soul work.
8th GRADE:
I debated long and hard about which curriculum to do this year. After much prayer, I chose Vicki Courtney’s “His Girl.” I hesitated because some could argue that they are too young for these topics. However, after extensive research, I concluded that their “pre-decisions” made on these heavy issues must be made BEFORE they are faced with them. In other words, when they eventually come to those crossroads, I want them to have already made up their minds on what they are going to do. By 8th grade, many of them are already seeing these messages sent through media also, so it is helpful for them to have a reference point on what GOD, not culture, says.
WHAT DO THE GIRLS BRING TO GROUP?
*Their Bible
*Their “soul work”
*They come prepared with their memory verse (if they’ve done it).
CELL PHONES ARE PUT AWAY
DURING OUR TIME
TOGETHER
MEMORY VERSES:
I do offer “points” for soul work that is done, and for memory verses. Each week I give the girls a verse that they can choose to commit to memory that relates to the topic. At the end of the year, I draw names out of a jar and they “win” really fun prizes (I shop at sales all year long for these). For every 3 points of memory/soul work, they get one slip of paper put in the jar for the drawing.
WHO DOES WHAT?
When I started, I was running the group, making the snack, and creating the craft. Learn from my mistake! Delegate some of these to the moms. Eventually I had the moms do the snacks and run the carpool schedule, which helped tremendously. I lead all of the discussion and set up the main part our time together. This year I invited two other women to join me in leadership. This has been a huge blessing to me and to the girls. They also prepare for the lesson, and come up with some great ideas! If we are doing an activity that requires prep, they often help me with this, or do the whole thing.
Your delegation could look like the following:
Snack – various moms or girls
Curriculum/Discussion – You or your team
Craft or Activity – Someone from your team; another mom; or you prep them all at one time, and pull them out on the designated days.
Cost – You can collect some extra money for crafts, food, prizes, etc., as well as to cover the cost of the book. You will need to figure out how much you will need to collect from each person.
OK! I think this covers most of the “basics.” If you have more questions, let me know! I’m happy to help.
Blessings to you as you journey with these girls. The work is vital. If we don’t do it, NO ONE WILL. Culture is speaking LOUDLY to them. We are going to have to quiet those voices, and expose them to the ONE who will equip them for each and every need. The ONE who will breath life, and lead them on a path of joy, strength, courage, righteousness, peace, abundance, and love.
“Happy are those who live pure lives, who follow the Lord’s teachings. Happy are those who keep his rules, who try to obey Him with their whole heart. They don’t do what is wrong; they follow his ways…How can a young person keep {her} way pure? By living according to Your Word.”
– Psalm 119:1-9
Post-It Stands: a useful DIY gift
This easy, DIY Post-It note stand is a great gift for teachers, friends, and kids alike. I originally got the idea from a blog called Paper Wings. Here is what you need:
5×7 Acrylic picture frame stand
Patterned scrapbook paper
Various ribbon
Post-It Notes
A embellishment to hang in the middle of the ribbon
Cut the scrapbook paper to fit the 5×7 frame. Slide into the space. Position the Pots-Its where you want them to go. Using a glue gun, or tacky tape, stick the notes on the frame. Wrap various kinds of ribbon around the top and secure. Add the middle embellishment. I glue gunned the middle of the ribbon in place after I had finished tying it all on. Useful and fun!
Becoming a Person of Character: KINDNESS
Introduction:
Ice Breakers
Tarzan, Jane, & the Ape: This is a full body version of rock-paper-scissors. Two people stand back to back and on the count of three, they turn around and act out either Tarzan, Jane, or the Ape. Tarzan beats the Ape, Jane beats Tarzan, and the Ape beats Jane. Play until there is a winner.
Tarzan Action: (pound their fists against their chest and say “Ahhhh ahhhh ahhhhh” – like Tarzan does)
Ape Action: Hold both arms in the air and make a scary sound
Jane: Put one hand behind a cocked head and say in a high, sweet voice, “Oh Tarzan!”
Seat Sister: Sit next to the person who has a birthday the closest to yours (this person is also the one she will discuss questions with when we talk in small groups).
Kindness:
Share stories around the circle or in small groups of a time when you saw someone do something really kind.
Optional: Play the song “The Christmas Shoes” (This is a moving song about a little boy buying a special gift for his dying mom…. get a kleenex)!
Share a time when you (the leader) were the recipient of an act of kindness.
Define kindness:
Have the girls guess in their own words what it means.
Definition: To be kind, considerate, or helpful.
HEART OF THE LESSON
Kindness is a choice that we make. We can decide how we want to treat others. Feelings too often dictate when we are kind or not. We need to take out the emotion and make a DECISION to be kind to others, whether we “feel like it” or not. This is VERY DIFFICULT, but most things worth doing are a challenge. We will be blessed when we choose kindness, because it will reap great rewards in our relationships.
Diggin’ in & Discussion Questions:
Look up & underline Ephesians 4:29: Kindness is watching what you say. How does the tongue get us in trouble? How can what we say completely sabotage our efforts to be kind? Is the reverse true also? Can our tongues be used to move us toward kindness? Have the girls talk about examples of each with their seat sister.
“No rotten talk should come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up, in order to give grace to those who hear.” EPHESIANS 4:29
Look up & underline Proverbs 29:11. Kindness is using self-control. How can self control be kind?
“Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.” PROV.29:11
Look up Philippians 2:3 Kindness is choosing unselfishness instead of selfishness. Why is it so hard to think of others before ourselves? Talk about how we naturally want our own way, and look out for ourselves. It takes intentional effort to NOT live that way, yet when we stop the self focus, we are actually more fulfilled and more content.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” PHILIPPIANS 2:3
Look up & underline Galatians 6:10. Kindness is looking for ways to bless others. Challenge the girls to start looking for ways to SHOW kindness to others. For example, if someone mentions that she really likes tulips, maybe for her birthday, you get her a bouquet. Or possibly there is someone who really struggles in your best subject. You can offer to help her in study hall that day.
“Therefore, as we have the opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” GALATIANS 6:10
Look up & underline Matthew 6:37. Kindness is choosing love over judgement. We are natural condemners. Like a judge with a gavel in hand, we often slam it down in our minds and declare those around us as “guilty!” This kind of thinking will develop bitterness in us, and it will stunt any growth that could happen in those relationships in which that is occurring. When we replace the negative, judgmental thinking with thoughts of encouragement, positive affirmations, and even prayer, then our minds are transformed and we can lay judgement down, knowing that God is truly the only one safe with a gavel.
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give and it will be given to you.” LUKE 6:37
Kindness Collage Activity:
Print out a piece of paper with each girls’ name listed boldly at the top. Distribute scissors and magazines to all of the girls. Have them make a word collage for each name with words they cut out of the magazines. Each girl cuts out at least one word per girl in the group and glues it to her paper. The goal here is encouragement, so make sure the words reflect that in some way.
Soul Work:
Memorize two of the verses above.
Work on the next section of your Vicki Courtney “Between” book.
YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THE ENTIRE LESSON & HANDOUT HERE
Courage: Becoming a Person of Character Series
Lesson #1: COURAGE
Introduction:
Ice Breakers
Two Truths & a Lie:
Break down the girls into groups of 3 and have them each think of two truths about themselves and one lie. They tell the group all three, and the group has to guess which one is the lie.
Courage Stories:
Share stories around the circle or in small groups of a time when it took courage to do something (ie. rock climbing, speaking in front of a class, trying out for a team, etc.)
Share a time when you (the leader) had to use courage.
Define courage:
Have the girls guess in their own words what it means.
Definition: The ability to do something that frightens one. Strength in the face of pain or grief; To act in accordance with one’s beliefs, especially in the face of criticism.
HEART OF THE LESSON
Show one of the following video clips of Bethany Hamilton – the surfer who lost an arm in a shark attack.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DF1Clfb3Vc (her life & story from her perpective)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjUbYx6ozic (this one speaks specifically of overcoming FEAR)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISZKQy539YI&feature=related (The Hamilton Family’s Journey)
Discussion Questions:
- How courage has played a role in Bethany’s journey?
- If she hadn’t found courage in the face of great pain & grief, would she be in the place she is now?
- How has God used this situation in her life to point people to Him?
- What are some things that take courage in your life right now? (Have them think of big and little things: when someone is gossiping, when someone is cheating off of your paper, when you are tempted to lie, when people are talking about you and you have to walk down the hall where they are standing anyway, facing divorce, etc.)
Soul Work:
Memorize
Deuteronomy 31:6 “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid, and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”
1 Corinthians 16:13 “Be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.”
2 Timothy 1:7 “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THE ENTIRE LESSON & HANDOUT HERE
Becoming a Person of Character Series
Being a person of character is a challenge that each of us faces each day. It’s hard, plain and simple. To make all of our decisions based on integrity takes resolve, understanding, and, most of all, the power of God. These very decisions that are right, though difficult to make, create the whole of who we are and who we are becoming. Successful living is directly related to how consistently we can exercise character. It’s a journey, and one to where we most likely never fully “arrive,” but one that we should take nonetheless.
The decisions young teen girls make in these early years can help determine whether or not they will become teen mothers, avoid alcoholism or drug addiction, have lasting friendships, develop a healthy body image, what their work ethic will be in a future occupation, and what kind of man they will choose to marry. Because of this, I chose a theme for this year called “Becoming a Person of Character.” The idea is to highlight a Godly virtue each week and then have them practice it in some way during the week to reinforce the exercise of that trait.
I hope that you take the challenge with us as we strive to become girls and women of deep character and conviction. People who can stand in a crowd and make a good decision, no matter what everyone is doing around us. Women who can recognize mistakes, and make them right. People who are lights on a hill, shining like stars in the universe.
“Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart.” -Psalm 97:11
About GIRLS GROUP
Girls Group. It’s not a creative name, but somehow it stuck. The girls are now thinking of changing the title to “New Directions.” Regardless of what we call it, getting 10-15 girls packed into our living room to talk about life is time well spent. Our Girls Group began three years ago when my daughter was in 5th grade. I dreamed of creating a safe haven for these young souls to express their fears, doubts, troubles, joys, questions, and hearts. My daughter and I prayed about who to ask into the group, and before I knew it, 9 girls were taking the bus home with her from school every week to do a lesson, make a craft, and have a yummy snack. It was a home run from the word “Go.” I loved it and the girls loved it even more. They begged me to keep going after the year was over.
Fast forward 3 years. We are now at 15 girls (I capped it at this number for this year), and though the topics have changed considerably, the format remains the same: lesson, craft, snack. The lesson goes for the heart; the craft creates something for them to do while they are hanging out and doing what they do best…talking; and the snack… well, who doesn’t like to eat fun food?
I, like most moms, want to make an positive impact on my daughter and her peers in the face of what seems like ever growing pressures from culture. I want them to learn about God, His ways, and what He thinks of them. To boot, all of the books and research I’ve read point to the tween years as the most influential time in a child’s life regarding value formation. Dannah Gresh, the author of Keeping the Little in your Girl says, “My research led me to the knowledge that value formation – concerning peers, family structure, sobriety, and all other too common teen issues- does not occur during the teen years. The values are formed from the ages of 8-12. Many parents do not realize this and inadvertently allow the culture to speak loudly as they remain mute, planning to deal with these uncomfortable issues later.” The facts point to the sobering fact that our daughters have only a 50/50 chance of making it to 16 without experiencing sex (or other forms of sexual experimentation), eating disorders, or significant depression. So do we sit by and let it happen? NO. A resounding NO. We fight for the hearts of our daughters with courage, intention, and instruction. If you don’t want your daughter to be caught in those statistics, start teaching earlier than you think. Instruction can take many forms, but this kind of a group is one way to make it happen.
I will be writing about what we do and how we do it. If it is an encouragement to you, praise God for that! You are welcome to any and all of the materials I create.
Suggested Reading:
“Generation M: Media in the Lives of 8-18 Year Olds.”
Branded: The Buying and Selling of Teenagers
“The American Psychological Assosiation’s Report on the Sexualization of Girls.”
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