Invisible Mothers: Building Cathedrals
Since Mother’s Day is almost upon us, I thought I’d share one of my all time favorite metaphors. Moms, let your spirits be encouraged today, and know that the foundation you lay now will stand for generations!
Invisible Mothers
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’
Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I’m invisible – The invisible Mom.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more.
“Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?”
Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’
I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’
I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude – but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner,celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.
It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription:
‘To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’
In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built,
and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man,
‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof?
No one will ever see it.’
And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.
No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will
become.’
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime
because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, ‘You’re gonna love it there.’
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
–Author Not Known
The Best Way to Store Cookies
You’ve heard the tips: stick a piece of bread in the bag to keep cookies soft, put in a few apple slices, or toss them in the refrigerator. So which is it? What’s the best way to store cookies and make their quality last?
My best go-to solution is to make the cookie dough and then freeze the dough in balls on a cookie sheet. When frozen, I transfer them to a ziplock bag. When I need freshly baked cookies, I pull them out and bake a dozen. They are gone before they cool most days.
For those of you who don’t live with ravenous wolves like me, it turns out that the bread trick really DOES NOT work best. Too much moisture. And the apples… they are a no go either, unless you want your cookies tasting like apples. The best method? The good ol’ ziplock with as much air as possible squeezed out.
Happy Baking!
10 Songs for the Hurting Heart
Music has a way of reaching in to the deep places of our hearts. When we are hurting, sometimes it is through music that the spirit of God can uniquely minister to those wounded places. If that is you today, let these songs speak, as they have to me. Each one of these songs is close to my heart for different reasons. I sing-pray all of the time. If you catch me on my morning carpool, you may see me with one hand in the air sing-praying at the top of my lungs.
I’ve prayed specific songs over specific situations, both for others and for myself. For example, when my friend Teresa had her brain aneurism, I prayed “Whom Shall I Fear” (#3) over and over as she endured not one, but two life threatening brain surgeries. Read about it here. I will never hear that song without thinking of Teresa and the hours of gut wrenching waiting. This song helped me know how to prayer for her.
I’m so thankful to God for creating music. Our souls open up and God enters.
1. Jesus, Firm Foundation
2. Find You on my Knees
3.Whom Shall I Fear {God of Angel Armies}
4. Worn
5. Not for a Moment
6. Blessings
7. In Christ Alone
8. Who You Are
9. Remind Me Who I Am
10. Break Every Chain
Book Review: Just Lead by Sherry Surratt & Jenni Catron
Everyone has their role on a team. Growing up, mine was team captain – mainly because I could make up a mean pre-game warm up song to get the players pumped up. On every team I played, my job was leadership. It felt natural to me. I didn’t have to work at it. It still does.
I have always considered my natural bent toward leadership as a gift. But there have been plenty of times where others have been intimidated, threatened, or downright opposed to that quality in me. Somewhere along my road, I received the message that it was only allowed to surface sometimes…when it was considered appropriate.
Being a woman and a strong leader can be a difficult combination at times, especially in the church. Yet, this very quality can be a powerful propeller in any arena. And I would dare to say, especially in the church. How do women with leadership qualities resist shrinking and instead burst forth in full flight as God intended for each one of us who walk this earth?
Sherry Surrat and Jenni Catron answer that question in their new book, Just Lead: A No Whining, No Complaining, No Nonsense Practical Guide for Women Leaders in the Church. Full of practical tips and authentically written stories about their own lives, these women demystify what it means to be a leader in the church, alongside of men, in today’s world.
“God created in me the desire and raw talent to lead, just as he has in you. And just as he provided the small boy with a lunch of bread and fish and the ability to share, he can transform anything inside us into something big enough to meet the need if only we’ll offer it. “
Sherry and Jenni provide needed guidance for any woman who is in leadership of any kind.
We want to use our gifts to their fullest, but how?
How do we lead without offending? Without fear? Without doubt? Without shame? Without allowing failure to define us?
These women park us at the trailhead of the leadership trail and help us navigate the path to the summit.
Specifically the book addresses:
Isolation: How to avoid feeling lonely in leadership
Fear: How to address the fear that accompanies positions of leadership
Insecurity: How it seeps its way into our leadership and ways to overcome it
Criticism: How to discern and process the criticism that will inevitably come
Pride/Humility: How to address the issue of pride that clouds our leadership and lean in to humility.
Decision Making: How to navigate choices and indecision in your leadership role
Dreaming Big: How to avoid the “tiny heart” syndrome
Working with Men: How to productively serve in leadership alongside the opposite gender
Communication: How to look at your communication style and evaluate its effectiveness.
Working with Women: How to avoid the common female traps that paralyze our ministries
I’ve personally been waiting a long time for a book like this. Sherry and Jenni have given answers and solutions to questions I didn’t even know to ask. Between these two women, there are countless experiences and lessons learned that will add years of wisdom to your leadership.
I’d love to hear :
What aspect of leadership is the most difficult for you?
or
What is one tip you’ve found to be essential in leading others?
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Jenni Catron serves as the Executive Director of Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN, where she leads the staff and oversees the ministry of five campuses. She loves a fabulous cup of tea, great books, learning the game of tennis and hanging out with her husband and border collie. Jenni’s passion is to lead well and to inspire, equip and encourage others to do the same. Jenni blogs at www.jennicatron.tv. Her new book, Just Lead! A No Whining, No Complaining, No Nonsense Practical Guide for Women Leaders in the Church, co-authored with Sherry Surratt is available now. |
My Sister is the Color Purple
For as long as I can remember, my sister has loved the color purple. She wears purple sweaters, purple lipstick, purple boots. She even had her bridesmaids wear ruffled purple satin gowns in 1992 (a classic look no doubt). Luckily for me, I got to wear the only HOT PINK satin gown as the maid of honor! Ahhhh… the privileges of sisterhood. Colors have personality, and when I see purple, I think of Kendra.
A few years ago, well into her thirties, my sister declared that she had an announcement. We all waited expectantly as she burst out, “Ok, I know you all think I’m a pretty {but not fast} skier. From now on, I’m going balls out!” Please forgive me if I offend you with the phrase, but I have to be truthful to the story. It’s what she said. And it’s what she did. From the first time she clicked on those skis that year, she went for it. She pushed herself further than her comfort zone allowed and before we all knew it, she was a downhill rocket. That’s purple.
A mother of two sons, Kendra and her husband, Eric, felt God nudging them to adopt a little girl. After countless hours of prayer and process, they flew to Russia to get their daughter. Every year we celebrate her “gotcha” day with Russian candy and a pinata, and everyday we celebrate that God gave us Olivia. Now she has organized a family led non-profit called The Jeremiah Project that helps others adopt. That’s purple.
Every fall, my sister and I host a large party with our families called The Hootenanny. We spend days preparing gift baskets, decorations, potato sacks, picking apples for the bobbing, and lining up the generators for the crock pots that hold prize winning recipes. It’s a tradition that reflects every bit of her fun, energy, and heart. That’s purple.
She is the kind of color that draws a person in. So full of life. So beautiful. So authentically rich in depth and tone.
There is one thing in life you don’t get to choose: your family. Mine just happens to be my very best friends. The kind of people who you love so much it hurts.
So on this day of Easter celebration, celebrating the greatest gift of Love’s sacrifice. I also celebrate and thank God for the gift of my sister born on this day. How fitting. Purple is the color of Easter. My sister is the color purple.
How-to Reheat Pizza (say no to soggy bottoms)
Re-heating pizza can end in a soggy mess. To avoid this, re-heat in a 400 degree oven on parchment paper. A pizza stone works great also, but requires too much time since it needs to pre-heat. A baking sheet also works, but it doesn’t take care of the moisture in the crust. When the baking sheet is lined with parchment paper, the parchment absorbs some of the moisture, resulting in the same crisp crust performed by a pizza stone.
A Metal Weight Dropped on His Head: Out of Control Mom Moments
Spiderman whizzed past me in a blur. It was common to have several superheroes in my house. Spidey proudly stuck out his chest and slid into a pose just under the catwalk. At this very moment, my toddler, standing some 15 feet above us, pushed a 5lb. metal weight under the rail. I watched in terror as gravity pulled it through the air and it landed on my Spiderman’s head. He crouched to the ground in a ball. I could see the blood begin to push through the mask.
To say I hate medical emergencies is an understatement. Something happens to me when I see someone else hurt. I physically weaken and my insides freeze up. Marrying into a medical family is one of the biggest ironies of my life. 4 of the 5 people in my husband’s family of origin are in medicine. This is why I find it absurd that whenever medical emergencies arise, no one is around but ME.
I’ve had a sit down with God about this….because it keeps happening….and I’m at my threshold.
There have been two more head injuries in our family – both concussions – both severe. The most recent happened to my daughter – in CHOIR! Who knew choir was so dangerous? She fainted off of the top riser during a rehearsal and landed on her head. She hit so hard she went unconscious and had a seizure. I arrived at school to find my daughter surrounded by paramedics. As you can imagine, this is my worst nightmare.
OUT OF CONTROL.
This is what we are, Moms. We think we somehow get to map the route of our kids’ lives and watch them follow the well-thought path. But what happens when they take a detour, either by choice or by accident? What do we do then? What do we do when the course gets hijacked?
This question lingers as I watch my 14 yr. old daughter continue to suffer side effects of her fall. She can not play her beloved soccer for the immediate future. She is not supposed to engage in any activities that may overstimulate her brain, or cause her to brain to work too hard. The “hold” button has been pushed on her world.
Fear whispers in my ear. Will she ever get better? Will she be able to do what she loves? What if she goes back out and gets hurt even worse? How can we ever send her out to do anything again? My hands cover my face as doubt and confusion over very real and complex parenting decisions loom. They threaten to rob my joy. My gratitude. My strength.
BUT GOD.
He strides in and pushes past fear. Past hopelessness. Past doubt.
He speaks straight to my heart: ”Approach the throne of grace with confidence. Receive mercy. Find grace. I will help you in your time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)
And He really does.
As I spend time sitting at His feet, He shows me that her story with Him is unfolding. The house of her testimony is being constructed brick by brick. He reveals to my precious daughter that identity found anywhere but Christ is shifting sand, unstable. And don’t I want her to learn? Oh yes, with all of my heart. Trial is a part of that process. But it hurts. Badly. For her and for me. Because a child does not suffer alone. A mother shares every bit of the pain.
My children’s stories are woven into the tapestry of my life in a thousand ways, and their pain is a bright red thread that runs a visible trail over the loom. And isn’t that the point? We take the detours together – trusting God to take care of course adjustments. Having faith that wherever we find ourselves, all things are working together for good.
And as we strengthen in courage and heart, we may find within each of us, something that looks a bit like a superhero.
Romans 8:28 (the message)
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along.
If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter.
He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.
He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.
That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
It’s All About the Hair: A Teen Birthday Party
Teens + birthdays can be difficult. They are too old for the usual party fare, yet they still want to do something to celebrate. As I wracked my brain to think of something for my daughter’s 14th this year, I asked myself, “what do they love to do when they get together?” HAIR! I called a few beauty salons until I found the right stylists at the right price, and the party was a done deal.
Here is what we did:
1. Hire 2 stylists to come to the party to do hair, and teach girls how to do the various styles {or ask a couple of friends who are really good at hair to come}. They bring supplies.
2. Have them bring pictures of various hair styles, and the girls choose which one they’d like.
3. Set up a couple of bar stools and a table with outlets near by.
5. The other girls snack on fun food and chat while two at a time get their hair done.
6. Go outside and take some fun pictures! I took group shots, and then one of each girl with the birthday princess.
The only issue I had was getting hairspray off the floor afterwards. Otherwise, the party was a teen girl hit…and, best of all, EASY!
9 Pick Me Ups for the Downton Downers
SIGH. SIGH. SIGH. Isn’t that how we all feel? Every time we think of where our Downton friends left us – in the lurch – crying into our ice cream bowls china tea cups, lemon curd spilled on the floor after the tantrum we threw following the accident. I mean really. How are we to go on living life as it was before? We’re just going to have to learn to cope in our new normal without Matthew. I never said it was going to be easy. These have helped me a little. Maybe they will make you feel better too.
PBS finally gets a break.
She’s my favorite.
The other day my son and I rode up the chair lift with a British woman and by the end of the ride both of us were talking with an accent. It just happens. We look smart when we do it.
Love this little explanatory guide by Grasping for Objectivity for those of you that need some help.
I’m sure we could get the SuperBowl moved next year.
Here’s some fun facts. I’m thinking about joining Mr.Carson on his next ride. He’d love my wicked napkin folding techniques.
Alright. Seriously. Who dresses their dog like Lady Grantham???
For all Clue lovers everywhere…
And to wrap us up, we need one more piece of wisdom from the lady herself!
You? How are you surviving this devastating turn?
Sibling Rivalry: Boxing Gloves or Hug o War?
The woman, pearls strung around her graceful neck, spoke with certainty in her exotic South African accent.
“Boys need to get out their aggression. When mine got to a certain age, I bought each a pair of boxing gloves. When they would start fighting, I’d make them put on the gloves and go at it until they were done.” I sat, wide-eyed, starring at my then small boys. Would I really get to that place? I couldn’t imagine it then.
But I can imagine it now.
Fast forward 10 years. My kids have grown. Gone are the years of toy refereeing. Now we wrestle with something much worse: sibling needling.
I remember it well as a middle child. I would get so outsmarted by my sister that I’d have to resort to physical Hulk maneuvers to get out my frustration. She was all brains. I was all braun.
My own children are repeating the pattern. An older one needles, a younger, helpless in the battle of wits, erupts with force. It is an age old problem.
Gather individuals in the same house day after day, and there will be conflict.
The question becomes, what will we do about it?
I tell my kids over and over that their relationships with each other will last far beyond any other. Siblings are the only ones who see you through your entire life span – from the ground up. Invest in those relationships now, and they will bring you joy and life for years to come.
The articles and video I list below delve into why siblings may be struggling with one another. I’m going to focus instead on 5 creative techniques addressing sibling conflict:
1. The Hug o War:
Reminiscent of Shell Silverstein’s poem, have the two fighters hug for a minute. Most of the time they are laughing by the end. I’ve also heard of parents who make the two offenders wear an oversized T-shirt together until they stop fighting.
2. The Repentance Bench:
Pick a bench in the house. When sibs start the ruckus, sit them down on the bench together. No one gets up until they’ve worked out their issue and apologized.
3. Work Together:
Too much fighting? Then maybe there isn’t enough to do! Put them to work on a chore together.
4. Do Something Kind for the Other.
Help them to be for one another, not against. Have each person in the conflict do something kind, helpful, or generous for the one with whom he is fighting.
5. Run.
This is a personal favorite for my husband. Fighting or bickering? Go run together around the house ___ times. They are usually laughing and racing by the end.
And if all else fails, head down to the local sports store and buy a couple of sets of boxing gloves.
Recommended Articles for Further Reading:
5 Ways to Turn Sibling Rivalry into Sibling Revelry
Siblings at War in Your Home (Declare a Cease Fire)
When Siblings Engage in Combat
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